Preliminary note : I'm very grateful to all the sources of these pictures. Some of them are great photos taken by hard working people and were published in the daily cycling sources that we all commonly read, including Cycling News, Graham Watson's site, Pez Cycling etc. So, thank you!
Looking For A Victory Salute? Hit CTRL+F and type it in to go directly to that section.
Few things deliver that perfect finishing touch to an election, speech, or race campaign as the simple old victory salute. I don't know when it started. We are not exactly sure when man had nothing to show at that knife's edge of a moment when he had found he had something to his credit. It has probably been here as long as he discovered that rubbing flint together made fire that lightened up his dark life. Ask the anthropologists, non lo so [I don't know].
Victory salutes can make or break the world.
Make.
Break.
It can also make you look like a fool while you break the world.
Robbie Hunter
What happens when that sprint finish will put the best cameras to shame? Leave no tables unturned. It may just happen that you might have won.
Throw a salute anyway, but keep it half way down in the air. This works well with opponents who don't have time for a victory salute, and fans and sponsors who just want to see the race and don't bother to look at the overall standings of the day. What ends up happening is that you earn your fan base even though you lost, and you'll look pretty good in the media as well.
A mountain top finish, some 4 digits of feet above sea level, is the perfect place to play this card. It acts as a metaphor of soaring into greatness. Feel the lightness of victory in thin mountain air and show your immortality.
The "Christ" is a variant of this salute.
If the amplitude of a victory salute is only limited by the view angle of the newspaper man's camera, a simple understanding will be reached by that racer and the camera man before the race, wherein something like this will be said :
"Dude, I want it limited, tight you understand?... keep it small. 300 x 420 pixels. This has to be sent via email to my boss..."
The result, will be something like this.
Show your reverence to the Lord. Your religiosity will be admired. Complement this by drawing a cross before the race and it will make heaven proud.
The bravest victories come also with extreme exhaustion. At this point, your legs will be incapicated by massive, leg amputating cramps. As you cross the finish line with this most spectacular display of guts and glory, there's only one way to show off your biceps, while at the same time opening up the divine channels of communication for a 3 second, one to one talk with your maker. If you're confused on how to express your gratitude to Him, use any of the following.
Anglican : "Thank God!".
Catholic Spanish : "Gracias a Dios!"
Devout Muslim : "Allahu Akhbar"!
Unwavering Hindu : "Jai Shri Krishna!" (You may bring a flute to play along...)
Amazonian Tribesman : "Oooga magaa oooga."
and finally...
If you're a stupid alien hugging Scientologist, dedicate your offerings to the evil alien warlord Xenu. (Btw, I think Darth Vader is a much better choice of a god for you. As a bonus, he's also a celebrity!)
Here's the complete sequence of the Gracias a Dios :
If you're a die hard fan of who is known as the "Italian Stallion", make it known at the finish line.
Emphasize the sub 500 gram of your super aero front wheel and showcase your bike handling skills with a nicely done wheelie. This will not only turn heads but if you're a bachelor, will increase your nuptial chances by 2 or 3%.
who says victory salutes can only be administered when you're at the front clinching victory?
If you've never won a race, you always end up seeing other's butts and you can't be a sport any longer, vent your frustration with this one in a million gesture. The rider will throw his bike, and run wildly after the pack, chanting death to the winner.
Are you a running man at the back?
15. The SUPERMAN
Let's face it. Nothing looks more cooler than slicing through the wind, across the finish line like the best known superhero in the world. Of course, Superman had a special chemical "aura" around his suit that helped him fly. But do not mistake the abilities of your mundane, more worldly Lycra costume. Stretching far beyond its limits could make it tear apart from the rear which will turn you from what was previously superman to a mere Nakedman. Moreover, do not attempt this in a pack choke full of riders. You'll be shoving your feet into their mouths. We imagine the last thing any hungry, tired rider in the back wants to know after 100 miles of racing is how the fossilised chewing gum you stepped on in the morning tastes.
Moral : DO NOT COPY other's copywrited victory salutes. The rule is also that you cannot show anything thats in the same genre as the other's. For example, machine gun and bow and arrow are both ARMAMENTS!
There's only one great digitus famus. That is Richard Virenque's one finger kiss salute.
While it may be shrouded in peculiarity, it is certainly no mystery. Legend has it that Virenque lost a finger in a logging accident with his dad. Through saving the paychecks he received through two or three seasons, he had transplanted a brand new 3K weaved, full carbon fiber index digit for the lost one. Virenque was a happier man, and considerably lighter in weight after the surgery. Hence, his closeness and admiration for all the weird finger kissing.
Losers are of all kinds in the peleton. But some don't ride bikes, they ride motorcycles with camera crew. If you're a loser, and another loser comes erratically in the way, unload the digitus infamus with full force.
21. The COURT RULER
Say that you're an individual at rifts with the long arm of the law. But you also happen to be a dedicated bicycle racer. If a court ruled out a case of speeding violation or possible drug abuse in in the past in your favor on the day you actually win a bike race, it is to be duly celebrated with the court ruler salute.
The salute is extending your warm appreciation for the old civil servant sitting in the court of law, an appreciation that's nothing more but an expression of gratitude for saving your helpless ass. Just a flick of a wave of one hand is more than sufficient. Using both hands leads to power wastage. Unnecessary celebrations can also arouse suspicion, and your court case could potentially be further visited by other judges in the country since the law system strictly obeys Murphy's Law at all costs in order to squeeze every remaining dime out of your pocket.
Important Note : If you're court martialled, many people would tell you to save your face and remain at home. But cycling experts recommend that you appear to the race and win it at all costs. The race money should then be dedicated as bribery to that certain law official to twist around the outcomes of your wonderful actions.
If your mind is more consumed with the hot girls cheering for you near the fence, perhaps you can make it obvious that you are sexually available.
However, it can get out of hand. UCI officials were informed about the apparent obscenity of this salute - signaling to mammary glands while spreading the lower limbs far apart, revealing package.
After famous racer Tom Bean had a heated argument with his girlfriend over this very subject, he decided to leave the bad boy image for more decency. Note closed legs in more recent of his races.
We hear that his lady love has gotten back in his life again. Good for you, Tom Bean!
Liar Liar is a special victory salute that combines the finesse of winning a classic race over and over again until people get bored out of their f***ing minds, and the finesse of blatant lying. As any adult knows, telling a good lie makes you feel oh so good at the end of the day. In fact, in front of cameras, it takes the gold. In this moment of confusion, when fans are so bored and expect you to win even blind folded, you can snatch some of that 'extra' excitement by outright lying.
In this example, a prominent racer reigned king in the Hell of The North 3 times in a row, but he takes a mundane figure as 3, and multiplies it by 2 to double it to six! Micheal Andrews, a PR specialist who works for a bicycling magazine, tells us that doubling your victories is optimal and works well with sponsors and the public at large. This is best done by using both hands to coax the lie to the audience. Won twice? No problem. Double it to four. Won 5 times? Good. But you can make it better. Make it 10 by signaling 5 on both hands. Take note not to try if you're winning the race for the first time. Fans do not know you, you are still a stranger to them, and if you lie without a mutual relationship, they will toss their beers aside, stampede themselves out of their bleacher seats, and into the velodrome to spank your silly ass blue until you cry for your coach.
You may add two, three even four punches. Think an over excited Greg Lemond.
Its nice to watch an actual video of this execution. So check out the video below and forward to 36:44 mins.
The use of props here is the focus of the gesture and proper selection and revision of the item is important on the night before the race. Weight weenies take note, the weight of the prop might slow your climbing by .001 mph. If this matters, do not attempt it. There are also other variations to this salute. Winners may start relentessly sucking their thumbs like Robbie Mcewen in some past Tours, or rocking a baby like Moreau has done (Paris Nice 2007?). Ambiguity arises when one starts sucking thumbs. It can mean several things you know. A proper execution can do good to your career. A properly done thumb suck can also signal a weakling destroying the opposition and boy, that hurts for the ones with the powerful legs. Its a classic remake of the Goliath vs David story at the finish line.
Self explanatory. Its like Lance to Fabian Casertelli. Cycling is one of the most dangerous sports in the world. Dedicate your risk taken victory to [INSERT YOUR FAVORITE CYCLIST OR LOST FAMILY MEMBER]. Look to the sky and give respect to the angels watching over you.
30. The DOMINGO
This salute originates from DOMINANCE AND HERE YOU GO... Just like a firm handshake makes an impact on the receiver, hammer your bone shattering strength home with a fist clenched as tight as a seat post stuck in a beater frame.
Sometimes, it can be used to emphasize why your name means the God of Thunder. I can literally feel my computer screen cracking at this moment.
There's no better way to scream "Sono numero uno!" at the crowd. Be heard!
31. The CRY BABY
Are the legs hurting? Wondering if there's a better career out there? Too grateful to the coach? Girlfriend left you? Or did some drunken Tifosi taunt you up that climb? Fear not. There's a victory salute for all emotions. Just bring out the inner child in you and cry like a baby, rubbing teary cheeks off with both hands while simultaneously showcasing the victory.
32. The CYRANO
33. The WORKING MAN
Give credence to your team mate, and confirm that he has indeed won! It reflects team pride and professionalism. The confirmatory is great as you can have the "license" to do a salute as well. If you were meant to win the race but your teammate stole it in the end, you can also easily show your annoyance with a confirmatory. You can disguise this as a praise, but inside, just grit your teeth hard and vow revenge. In front of cameras, this looks like a positive confirmatory and people will only admire you more.
38. The GRUPPO
The chances of a 1,2 and 3 position are highly odd, but if lady luck is good to your team, instruct everyone to go at once.
And just when you think the odds couldn't get odder, here's a 1-2 from the same team, crossing the line at the same time. Confirmatory+1-2 win = GOLD! (Ok, I dont know about that first guy but whatever...)
39. The BOEING 747
Francesco Chicchi is often preoccupied with fantasies of being an airplane at the finish line. We don't blame him. He has the serious horsepower of a 4 engine Boeing jet packed into a pair of thighs. Select this salute if you have the capabilities of this fine Italian sprinter.But pay attention. The salute itself is composed of a twosome combo. There is the approaching salute as you near the finish line. Then there's the final touchdown salute.All this megaton horsepower needs to brake, and that's not easy. The twosome move will give ample warning to cameramen, organizers and fans : Get the F**K OUT OF MY RUNWAY!
.jpg)
Approach Salute
.jpg)
Final Touch Down Salute
40. The MISCALLER
So you dropped your cell phone into your jersey before the race thinking that it'd help you call rescue when your tire is pinch flatted. But every other km in the race, the damn phone is ringing and when you fish into the jersey, get the phone and say 'hello', you hear the Rick Roll song. Ticked off so much by several prankcalls, your blood curdling anger somehow transforms into a race win while your rivals are stumped by your new found energy. As you cross the line in absolute ignorance of your rivals surprised and beaten faces, you answer that final miss call once more and tell them, "I have caller ID bi***. And you are now f****."
* * *
There are many many other types of salutes and this post doesn't have it all nailed down, but somehow they all manage to slip into one or other types of salutes mentioned here. Thanks to Slow Your Roll and Road Bike Review. If someone has something I missed, speak so and it will get special mention in the Cozy Beehive Victory Salute-apedia. Have you thought enough about your Victory Salute?
Looking For A Victory Salute? Hit CTRL+F and type it in to go directly to that section.
The Lore of the Victory Salute
To all those who tried, in vain, to salute...they tried..
To all those who tried, in vain, to salute...they tried..
Few things deliver that perfect finishing touch to an election, speech, or race campaign as the simple old victory salute. I don't know when it started. We are not exactly sure when man had nothing to show at that knife's edge of a moment when he had found he had something to his credit. It has probably been here as long as he discovered that rubbing flint together made fire that lightened up his dark life. Ask the anthropologists, non lo so [I don't know].
Victory salutes can make or break the world.
Make.
Break.
It can also make you look like a fool while you break the world.
In the sport of cycling, the victory salute is the ultimate self-expression of the day. It pretty much seals the highlights of the race. We don't need to see who crashed where, how the breakaway began, how the chase unfolded, who attacked on which alpine gradient. One look at the victory salute probably tells it all. "Wow, he won?!! How on earth--" And then we have a mix of amazement - at raw human strength and sometimes the miracle of the pharmaceutical industry- and a sense of the glory and pride of achieving one's dreams.
The range of victory salutes are far and wide. Its amazing that in the hopes of etching a place forever in the minds of the Tifosi and being in the limelight at that defining moment of victory has made many folks pretty creative with a perfect combination of grace (or clumsiness), the dexterity of two limbs and 10 fingers, and two wheels and a truss known as the bicycle.
With valuable help from partner in crime, the SlowRoll cycling blog (only fags ride bikes), let's review the record books for a thorough treatise on the Victory Salute.
Before we even go onto the meat of this post, lets explore what is NOT a victory salute.
1) Just pull up your shorts before making any moves. Unfortunately, this guy got shot from the back instead of the front. Great. Now we have a picture of his butt. Where is the salute, monsieur?!
2) Are you a) a monkey b) a bike racer or c) both? Victory is no excuse to pull off a shoddy one.
and..
3) This is not the way to salute. Christ! A victory salute in cycling is serious business. Getting that hard earned publicity can make or break a figure from your paycheck. A victory salute is not meant to help you climb into the hall of fame of comedy.
See, there is an art in it. Its all about containing your feelings for the right moment. Amateurs can take it too soon or too late. Either can lead to disgrace. A victory salute at the beginning of the race is certainly the extreme (I've done that on a few occasions), and one 5 minutes after crossing the finish line with a bland face not knowing the you did cross the finish line is at the other end of the spectrum. In between are those painful bunch sprints where you're far more involved at edging past your opponent than thinking about your victory salute!
The picture above is an example by which you can prevent this latter scenario, by avoiding a bunch sprint altogether. Bite hard into your tongue, throw a universal amount of push onto the tarmac, shelling out 2000 watts into those poor pedals for 30-60 seconds. No train, no water bottle, no finish line, forget everything your science teacher told you about the ills of high intensity fatigue. Just DO IT!!
When the time limit is over, relax and deliver a questioning look as you glance behind the rest of the pack. "Where is everyone?!"
Having done that, you may resort to any of the below given victory salutes.
Let us begin anyway...
The range of victory salutes are far and wide. Its amazing that in the hopes of etching a place forever in the minds of the Tifosi and being in the limelight at that defining moment of victory has made many folks pretty creative with a perfect combination of grace (or clumsiness), the dexterity of two limbs and 10 fingers, and two wheels and a truss known as the bicycle.
With valuable help from partner in crime, the SlowRoll cycling blog (only fags ride bikes), let's review the record books for a thorough treatise on the Victory Salute.
Before we even go onto the meat of this post, lets explore what is NOT a victory salute.
1) Just pull up your shorts before making any moves. Unfortunately, this guy got shot from the back instead of the front. Great. Now we have a picture of his butt. Where is the salute, monsieur?!
2) Are you a) a monkey b) a bike racer or c) both? Victory is no excuse to pull off a shoddy one.
and..
3) This is not the way to salute. Christ! A victory salute in cycling is serious business. Getting that hard earned publicity can make or break a figure from your paycheck. A victory salute is not meant to help you climb into the hall of fame of comedy.
See, there is an art in it. Its all about containing your feelings for the right moment. Amateurs can take it too soon or too late. Either can lead to disgrace. A victory salute at the beginning of the race is certainly the extreme (I've done that on a few occasions), and one 5 minutes after crossing the finish line with a bland face not knowing the you did cross the finish line is at the other end of the spectrum. In between are those painful bunch sprints where you're far more involved at edging past your opponent than thinking about your victory salute!
The picture above is an example by which you can prevent this latter scenario, by avoiding a bunch sprint altogether. Bite hard into your tongue, throw a universal amount of push onto the tarmac, shelling out 2000 watts into those poor pedals for 30-60 seconds. No train, no water bottle, no finish line, forget everything your science teacher told you about the ills of high intensity fatigue. Just DO IT!!
When the time limit is over, relax and deliver a questioning look as you glance behind the rest of the pack. "Where is everyone?!"
Having done that, you may resort to any of the below given victory salutes.
Let us begin anyway...
1. The BREAK NECK 'ONE-HANDER'
There is one keyword for the use of this salute. TIGHT FINISHES. What do you do when you're a valve stem faster than your nearest competitor but you still want to throw up your hand with the last remaining store of energy at 42 mph, to let your fans know you indeed won in this mess of a sprint finish. These type of salutes are indeed courageous acts and deserves special attention.
You can't go wrong with the "One Armed Salute". It works well in tight finishes and has a gallant look about it. Merckx pulled this off flawlessly and Miguel Indurain made it his trademark in the 1990's. [Slow Your Roll]
Robbie Hunter
2. The JUST IN TIMER (JST)
What happens when that sprint finish will put the best cameras to shame? Leave no tables unturned. It may just happen that you might have won.
Throw a salute anyway, but keep it half way down in the air. This works well with opponents who don't have time for a victory salute, and fans and sponsors who just want to see the race and don't bother to look at the overall standings of the day. What ends up happening is that you earn your fan base even though you lost, and you'll look pretty good in the media as well.
3. The SOARING ANGEL
A mountain top finish, some 4 digits of feet above sea level, is the perfect place to play this card. It acts as a metaphor of soaring into greatness. Feel the lightness of victory in thin mountain air and show your immortality.
The "Christ" is a variant of this salute.
When pacing the gradient with a teammate, a confirmatory salute can be thrown out as well for the one who crosses first.
"Angel" is a fine choice for young riders. It serves as a metaphor for the ascent to the ranks of greatness. Note the confirmatory salute of Piepoli here. If you're close to a winning teammate at the finish, there's no rule that says you can't enjoy some of that victory pie as well. Not only does it showcase the strength of team unity, it also displays the unselfish character of a noble domestique. Bravo! [Slow Your Roll]
4. The TOUR WINNER
Few cycling salutes can make a defining moment like winning a Tour, especially when you're competing with time.
It is a simple salute, with a clenched fist, like as if you have caught the race with its horns and there is no running back. No mention is made of the pain gone through while doing so, and an affirming, honest and indeed charismatic smile is thrown for the cameras.
It is a simple salute, with a clenched fist, like as if you have caught the race with its horns and there is no running back. No mention is made of the pain gone through while doing so, and an affirming, honest and indeed charismatic smile is thrown for the cameras.
5. The TT WIN
Many exciting cycling races are finished on the mountains. But when the competition is tight, its a battle among the best men who can race time itself.
This salute is carefully executed a few meters away from the finish line, STRICTLY in the aero position. A glance back at the time readout can be combined with the salute. What is worse than throwing a haphazard salute without confirming your win?
This salute is carefully executed a few meters away from the finish line, STRICTLY in the aero position. A glance back at the time readout can be combined with the salute. What is worse than throwing a haphazard salute without confirming your win?
The TT WIN can be combined with the Tour Winner if you're on top of the GC.
6. The ARROGANT PISS OFF
"Piss Off" probably isn't what you'll want to start your racing career with, but for old dudes that don't give a s***, it's a great way to publicly rub salt into your detractor's wounds. Journalists on your case? Team didn't renew your contract? **** em'! Let your actions speak louder than any words possibly could. [Slow Your Roll]
7. The PHOTO FINISH : LIMITED EDITION
If the amplitude of a victory salute is only limited by the view angle of the newspaper man's camera, a simple understanding will be reached by that racer and the camera man before the race, wherein something like this will be said :
"Dude, I want it limited, tight you understand?... keep it small. 300 x 420 pixels. This has to be sent via email to my boss..."
The result, will be something like this.
8. The PIOUS ONE
Show your reverence to the Lord. Your religiosity will be admired. Complement this by drawing a cross before the race and it will make heaven proud.
A small variant of this pose is when you have zero upper body strength to raise up your arms, and all you can do is look up at the air and ask humbly.. "Lord, what did I do to deserve this victory?!"
9. The GRACIAS a DIOS (Thanks Be To The Almighty)
The bravest victories come also with extreme exhaustion. At this point, your legs will be incapicated by massive, leg amputating cramps. As you cross the finish line with this most spectacular display of guts and glory, there's only one way to show off your biceps, while at the same time opening up the divine channels of communication for a 3 second, one to one talk with your maker. If you're confused on how to express your gratitude to Him, use any of the following.
Anglican : "Thank God!".
Catholic Spanish : "Gracias a Dios!"
Devout Muslim : "Allahu Akhbar"!
Unwavering Hindu : "Jai Shri Krishna!" (You may bring a flute to play along...)
Amazonian Tribesman : "Oooga magaa oooga."
and finally...
If you're a stupid alien hugging Scientologist, dedicate your offerings to the evil alien warlord Xenu. (Btw, I think Darth Vader is a much better choice of a god for you. As a bonus, he's also a celebrity!)
Here's the complete sequence of the Gracias a Dios :
10. The GHETTO
Doood, forget God and angels. Chico, I'm a gangsta here! And this is my territory. Undastand??!
11. The QUE SERA SERA
You are the racer that somehow goes with the race's flow, believing that you all you have to do it give your best and what will be will indeed be. If its meant for you, the victory will simply be your life's biggest surprise.
11. The QUE SERA SERA
You are the racer that somehow goes with the race's flow, believing that you all you have to do it give your best and what will be will indeed be. If its meant for you, the victory will simply be your life's biggest surprise.
Coincidence can arrive when your losing competitor does the same thing. This is allowed only if both of you are edge to edge rivals and any could win at any given time. There is no predictability in the situation.
Remember, don't over exaggerate the QUE SERA SERA. Otherwise, to the organisers' chagrin, they'll take a harder look at your results and may order the police to raid your team van.
12. The ROCKY BALBOA
If you're a die hard fan of who is known as the "Italian Stallion", make it known at the finish line.
Someone who isn't such a die hard fan might also express his own feelings behind you, but fear not... your back is turned to him since he has already lost.
The person behind, in this case, exercises the LOSER'S VARIANT of the ARROGANT PISS OFF.
The person behind, in this case, exercises the LOSER'S VARIANT of the ARROGANT PISS OFF.
13. The SOARING FRONT WHEEL
Emphasize the sub 500 gram of your super aero front wheel and showcase your bike handling skills with a nicely done wheelie. This will not only turn heads but if you're a bachelor, will increase your nuptial chances by 2 or 3%.
Remember not to fall, as the exact details of your infamous embarrassment to the most minute picky details will be accurately detailed in VeloNews and YouTube and the thousands of cycling blogs all over the world.
While victorious ones can do this in front of the pack, (comma)
14. The RUNNING MAN
While victorious ones can do this in front of the pack, (comma)
who says victory salutes can only be administered when you're at the front clinching victory?
If you've never won a race, you always end up seeing other's butts and you can't be a sport any longer, vent your frustration with this one in a million gesture. The rider will throw his bike, and run wildly after the pack, chanting death to the winner.
Are you a running man at the back?
15. The SUPERMAN
Let's face it. Nothing looks more cooler than slicing through the wind, across the finish line like the best known superhero in the world. Of course, Superman had a special chemical "aura" around his suit that helped him fly. But do not mistake the abilities of your mundane, more worldly Lycra costume. Stretching far beyond its limits could make it tear apart from the rear which will turn you from what was previously superman to a mere Nakedman. Moreover, do not attempt this in a pack choke full of riders. You'll be shoving your feet into their mouths. We imagine the last thing any hungry, tired rider in the back wants to know after 100 miles of racing is how the fossilised chewing gum you stepped on in the morning tastes.
16. The "V" ER
The "V" has a storied history and is probably the most common salute. And why not? It's brash without being arrogant and shows sponsor's logos well. This is without doubt the textbook salute. If you can't think of anything, this will surely suffice. [Slow Your Roll]
The "V" can be done with your hand, or with your fingers, whichever suits you best. Either way, its boring to watch.
17. The BOW AND ARROW
When you have nailed the race right where it should be, how better to give a lasting and charismatic impression than shooting an arrow into the air, a bow of love and homage to your family and fans. Like Robin Hood to Sherwood Forest and Nottinghamshire, here is the winner to his abode. A salute like this deserves special mention. It gets 10/10 for creativity and flare.
Even though the bow and arrow salute has Juan Antonio Flecha, the original inventor, written all over it, some folks like to plagiarize it. Here it means 'even though I won, I'm a loser'.
Moral : DO NOT COPY other's copywrited victory salutes. The rule is also that you cannot show anything thats in the same genre as the other's. For example, machine gun and bow and arrow are both ARMAMENTS!
18. The DIGITUS FAMUS
There's only one great digitus famus. That is Richard Virenque's one finger kiss salute.
While it may be shrouded in peculiarity, it is certainly no mystery. Legend has it that Virenque lost a finger in a logging accident with his dad. Through saving the paychecks he received through two or three seasons, he had transplanted a brand new 3K weaved, full carbon fiber index digit for the lost one. Virenque was a happier man, and considerably lighter in weight after the surgery. Hence, his closeness and admiration for all the weird finger kissing.
19. The DIGITUS INFAMUS
Losers are of all kinds in the peleton. But some don't ride bikes, they ride motorcycles with camera crew. If you're a loser, and another loser comes erratically in the way, unload the digitus infamus with full force.
20. The COWBOY
Few racers can give a Western touch to the race finish than The Killer (or Cowboy) himself. Accurately executed in slow motion comes your next Clint Eastwood in tight Lycra. It has to be seen in real to know how good it looks.
Danilo is often several bike lengths away from his chasers when he resorts to this salute. He has enough time to look back at the slower horses, raise an arm in the air and catch his victory with his imaginary rope, all in perfect slowmotion for your digital tastes. Due to the scarcity of pictures on the web I cannot show you every sequence.
Danilo is often several bike lengths away from his chasers when he resorts to this salute. He has enough time to look back at the slower horses, raise an arm in the air and catch his victory with his imaginary rope, all in perfect slowmotion for your digital tastes. Due to the scarcity of pictures on the web I cannot show you every sequence.
"Cowboy" is a celebration best served with a sizeable lead over the peloton. It's a pretty ballsy move that not only shows just how much energy you had left, but how far ahead you were of the pathetic losers behind you. This salute is also extremely effective on video. [Slow Your Roll]
Another newer variant of this technique is the SPANISH COWBOY, where the racer takes a relaxed position on the bike, and shoots a victory bullet to the army of photographers ahead of him. This might not be an oh so favorite among gun control lobbyists.
Do this also if you have just humiliated the most ridiculous climber in the world.
Do this also if you have just humiliated the most ridiculous climber in the world.
21. The COURT RULER
Say that you're an individual at rifts with the long arm of the law. But you also happen to be a dedicated bicycle racer. If a court ruled out a case of speeding violation or possible drug abuse in in the past in your favor on the day you actually win a bike race, it is to be duly celebrated with the court ruler salute.
The salute is extending your warm appreciation for the old civil servant sitting in the court of law, an appreciation that's nothing more but an expression of gratitude for saving your helpless ass. Just a flick of a wave of one hand is more than sufficient. Using both hands leads to power wastage. Unnecessary celebrations can also arouse suspicion, and your court case could potentially be further visited by other judges in the country since the law system strictly obeys Murphy's Law at all costs in order to squeeze every remaining dime out of your pocket.
Important Note : If you're court martialled, many people would tell you to save your face and remain at home. But cycling experts recommend that you appear to the race and win it at all costs. The race money should then be dedicated as bribery to that certain law official to twist around the outcomes of your wonderful actions.
22. The FOOTLOOSE
"Footloose" is a great way to showcase your sense of humor and handling skills. It emotes the feel good vibe of Kevin Bacon that is both contagious and unexpected. As all professional handlers know, to be seen goofing around on the bike is an effective way of proving that you aren't just a frankensteinian winning machine, but a great personality that folks would love to go drinking with. A great side effect of this is that the drinks will be on them. [Slow Your Roll]
23. The PLAYER
If your mind is more consumed with the hot girls cheering for you near the fence, perhaps you can make it obvious that you are sexually available.
However, it can get out of hand. UCI officials were informed about the apparent obscenity of this salute - signaling to mammary glands while spreading the lower limbs far apart, revealing package.
After famous racer Tom Bean had a heated argument with his girlfriend over this very subject, he decided to leave the bad boy image for more decency. Note closed legs in more recent of his races.
We hear that his lady love has gotten back in his life again. Good for you, Tom Bean!
24. The LIAR LIAR
Liar Liar is a special victory salute that combines the finesse of winning a classic race over and over again until people get bored out of their f***ing minds, and the finesse of blatant lying. As any adult knows, telling a good lie makes you feel oh so good at the end of the day. In fact, in front of cameras, it takes the gold. In this moment of confusion, when fans are so bored and expect you to win even blind folded, you can snatch some of that 'extra' excitement by outright lying.
In this example, a prominent racer reigned king in the Hell of The North 3 times in a row, but he takes a mundane figure as 3, and multiplies it by 2 to double it to six! Micheal Andrews, a PR specialist who works for a bicycling magazine, tells us that doubling your victories is optimal and works well with sponsors and the public at large. This is best done by using both hands to coax the lie to the audience. Won twice? No problem. Double it to four. Won 5 times? Good. But you can make it better. Make it 10 by signaling 5 on both hands. Take note not to try if you're winning the race for the first time. Fans do not know you, you are still a stranger to them, and if you lie without a mutual relationship, they will toss their beers aside, stampede themselves out of their bleacher seats, and into the velodrome to spank your silly ass blue until you cry for your coach.
25. The SHINDIG
What's common between hungover, party mood, style, victory? The shindig victory salute ofcourse! Get your groove on, and slap on your dancy fancy mood for a classic "I feel good" James Brown moment on the bike. Can you hear that song play in your head as you see Horner right now?
26. The PUNCHER
Along with the footloose, there are other things you can do to show your dominance in the race. Punch the air for instance. Who cares, its free.
You may add two, three even four punches. Think an over excited Greg Lemond.
27. The MAMA TRIBUTE
When you want your victory to clearly go to your mother, here's the "Mama, look what your boy did! I loveee youu!" salute. It sends the message loud and clear to all the mothers in the world who have their boys in the peleton.
28. The BABY TRIBUTE
Another version of the salute in the tribute series, dedicated to when your wife has a baby. Christophe Moreau, Fabian Cancellara and few other noted racing celebrities have attempted this to show honor to their offspring's arrival into the world.
But few come even remotely close to Carlos Sastre's move. The gesture shows how tough one can be, inserting a pacifier into one's mouth at the top of a climb, constricting one's breathing after 2 or 3 hours in the anaerobic zone.
But few come even remotely close to Carlos Sastre's move. The gesture shows how tough one can be, inserting a pacifier into one's mouth at the top of a climb, constricting one's breathing after 2 or 3 hours in the anaerobic zone.
Its nice to watch an actual video of this execution. So check out the video below and forward to 36:44 mins.
The use of props here is the focus of the gesture and proper selection and revision of the item is important on the night before the race. Weight weenies take note, the weight of the prop might slow your climbing by .001 mph. If this matters, do not attempt it. There are also other variations to this salute. Winners may start relentessly sucking their thumbs like Robbie Mcewen in some past Tours, or rocking a baby like Moreau has done (Paris Nice 2007?). Ambiguity arises when one starts sucking thumbs. It can mean several things you know. A proper execution can do good to your career. A properly done thumb suck can also signal a weakling destroying the opposition and boy, that hurts for the ones with the powerful legs. Its a classic remake of the Goliath vs David story at the finish line.
29. The HEROES GONE BY TRIBUTE
Self explanatory. Its like Lance to Fabian Casertelli. Cycling is one of the most dangerous sports in the world. Dedicate your risk taken victory to [INSERT YOUR FAVORITE CYCLIST OR LOST FAMILY MEMBER]. Look to the sky and give respect to the angels watching over you.
30. The DOMINGO
This salute originates from DOMINANCE AND HERE YOU GO... Just like a firm handshake makes an impact on the receiver, hammer your bone shattering strength home with a fist clenched as tight as a seat post stuck in a beater frame.
Sometimes, it can be used to emphasize why your name means the God of Thunder. I can literally feel my computer screen cracking at this moment.
There's no better way to scream "Sono numero uno!" at the crowd. Be heard!
31. The CRY BABY
Are the legs hurting? Wondering if there's a better career out there? Too grateful to the coach? Girlfriend left you? Or did some drunken Tifosi taunt you up that climb? Fear not. There's a victory salute for all emotions. Just bring out the inner child in you and cry like a baby, rubbing teary cheeks off with both hands while simultaneously showcasing the victory.
32. The CYRANO
"Cyrano" is a surefire way to the hearts of the elusively fickle female fan. Who wouldn't want to catch a kiss thrown by a champion as he nonchalantly rolls across the finish line? I know I would. [Slow Your Roll]
33. The WORKING MAN
"Working Man" is humility in a golden wrapper. This is another fan favorite because of its inspirational overtones. Facial expression is crucial, it should say "Boy, that was hard. Look, I can barely extend these heavy arms". It makes the slowpokes and dreamers feel that they too can be champions. Pull this off and you may well achieve the status of "people's champion". [Slow Your Roll]
Perhaps this one is appropriate for a domestique?
Throwing your hands up on a "V", give your lungs a final boost of VO2 max at the finish line, with a lion's roar, so loud it is said to intimidate reporters so that racers can make a peaceful getaway to the team van to escape doping questions.
If you're in such a situation, make sure you practice the roar to perfection. The roar should be strictly above 80-90 decibels. The last thing you want to spoil your hard earned victory with is to show a 170 pound sculpted beast making a fool of himself by chirping out like Tweety from Disney Land.
he ended up with this instead...
As someone aptly said on RoadBikeReview, Scheck looks like an 8 year old bully who just owned someone. I mean its not so bad. This may work well if you want to show off your 3% body fat and you are envious of other "chickens" in the race. I'm the chicken! "Where's your chicken face, show me your chicken face!"
Do not attempt this with inexperience to show off. You opponent will make sure you not only lose on the climbs in front of your wannabe Spanish fans, he'll also make sure you bonk, throw up and have fits on the bike. Take note that you don't have to stress out and worry too much about how to show flahuteness. In the following image, the best sprinter in the world wins the stage and then wipes off the injured fly that was sticking on his funny glasses all that time. Well, before wiping it of, he actually shows the fly its last images before death - that of the finish line.
This is the R.I.P Fly variant of The Flahute and must be practiced with live samples of flies. Visit a biology store near you.
34. IL RUGGITO DEL LIONE - THE LION'S ROAR
Throwing your hands up on a "V", give your lungs a final boost of VO2 max at the finish line, with a lion's roar, so loud it is said to intimidate reporters so that racers can make a peaceful getaway to the team van to escape doping questions.
If you're in such a situation, make sure you practice the roar to perfection. The roar should be strictly above 80-90 decibels. The last thing you want to spoil your hard earned victory with is to show a 170 pound sculpted beast making a fool of himself by chirping out like Tweety from Disney Land.
35. The BULLY
While Shleck tried to emulate this,
he ended up with this instead...
As someone aptly said on RoadBikeReview, Scheck looks like an 8 year old bully who just owned someone. I mean its not so bad. This may work well if you want to show off your 3% body fat and you are envious of other "chickens" in the race. I'm the chicken! "Where's your chicken face, show me your chicken face!"
36. The FLAHUTE
Poke another pin of embarrassment deep into your opponent with the nonchalant victory salute. A Flahute thinks the Tour de France is just a bunch of long training rides. This might really get to your rival's head. Exchange a glance with him and say something like : 'Baah, it was nothing, I feel a tingle in the legs that's all. More worried about that sun tan, jeez will you look at that? You know, those Alps are getting flatter by the day. Think I'll believe global warming."
Do not attempt this with inexperience to show off. You opponent will make sure you not only lose on the climbs in front of your wannabe Spanish fans, he'll also make sure you bonk, throw up and have fits on the bike. Take note that you don't have to stress out and worry too much about how to show flahuteness. In the following image, the best sprinter in the world wins the stage and then wipes off the injured fly that was sticking on his funny glasses all that time. Well, before wiping it of, he actually shows the fly its last images before death - that of the finish line.
This is the R.I.P Fly variant of The Flahute and must be practiced with live samples of flies. Visit a biology store near you.
37. The CONFIRMATORY
Give credence to your team mate, and confirm that he has indeed won! It reflects team pride and professionalism. The confirmatory is great as you can have the "license" to do a salute as well. If you were meant to win the race but your teammate stole it in the end, you can also easily show your annoyance with a confirmatory. You can disguise this as a praise, but inside, just grit your teeth hard and vow revenge. In front of cameras, this looks like a positive confirmatory and people will only admire you more.
38. The GRUPPO
The chances of a 1,2 and 3 position are highly odd, but if lady luck is good to your team, instruct everyone to go at once.
And just when you think the odds couldn't get odder, here's a 1-2 from the same team, crossing the line at the same time. Confirmatory+1-2 win = GOLD! (Ok, I dont know about that first guy but whatever...)
39. The BOEING 747
Francesco Chicchi is often preoccupied with fantasies of being an airplane at the finish line. We don't blame him. He has the serious horsepower of a 4 engine Boeing jet packed into a pair of thighs. Select this salute if you have the capabilities of this fine Italian sprinter.But pay attention. The salute itself is composed of a twosome combo. There is the approaching salute as you near the finish line. Then there's the final touchdown salute.All this megaton horsepower needs to brake, and that's not easy. The twosome move will give ample warning to cameramen, organizers and fans : Get the F**K OUT OF MY RUNWAY!
Approach Salute
Final Touch Down Salute40. The MISCALLER
So you dropped your cell phone into your jersey before the race thinking that it'd help you call rescue when your tire is pinch flatted. But every other km in the race, the damn phone is ringing and when you fish into the jersey, get the phone and say 'hello', you hear the Rick Roll song. Ticked off so much by several prankcalls, your blood curdling anger somehow transforms into a race win while your rivals are stumped by your new found energy. As you cross the line in absolute ignorance of your rivals surprised and beaten faces, you answer that final miss call once more and tell them, "I have caller ID bi***. And you are now f****."
41. The WARDROBE DISASTER
This victory salute comes in handy when everything has gone wrong in the clothing department. Wrong size? Shrunken team kit? Shammy sticking out of your bottom like a poorly designed parachute? Forgot noticing the washing instructions mentioned on the jersey and dropped it in boiling hot water in the washing machine? Felt yourself doing Michael Jackson moves all day to get comfortable in size petite? Watch Voeckler display dissatisfaction with the fit of his clothes on crossing the line. This is how its done.
42. The TRIUMPHANT SWORDSMAN
We talked about the BABY TRIBUTE. Here's another salute requiring the proper use of a prop. Carry the sword on your top tube, or let a team mate hand it to you from the crowd. Hands down, Ryan Trebon's execution is among the coolest salutes ever. It easily wins the Cozy Beehive award for best victory salute!
43. The REPLAY
Digging deep and getting lost in that collosal cloud of 6 watts/kg exertion can occasionally cause some riders to roll into the finish line with stains all over their jersey.
For the nauseous and confused rider who needs to understand whether they ran into a bottle of tomato ketchup, got shot by a sniper or just lost a milk tooth under the bigger pain of labor, there's REPLAY.
Raise both arms in the air and signal to commissaire : "Replay...I need a REPLAY" !
* * *
There are many many other types of salutes and this post doesn't have it all nailed down, but somehow they all manage to slip into one or other types of salutes mentioned here. Thanks to Slow Your Roll and Road Bike Review. If someone has something I missed, speak so and it will get special mention in the Cozy Beehive Victory Salute-apedia. Have you thought enough about your Victory Salute?
* * *
14 comments:
My favorite, the "that sure was easy" salute. Arms out to the side, with a slight shrug. Kind of cocky, but what the hell if you just demoralized everyone. Think Musseuw '98 Flanders.
WOW... your time on this post paid off. Cheers on your salute to the salute. Makes me wonder... what would be "my salute" in my dream world of winning a race?
LOL. Cool to see my comment about Schleck looking like an 8 year old mentioned here. Excellent job!
Awsome Post!
www.ride-strong.com
Another cool post: Tyler Farrar at Sarthe. In the US it can be the "hook'em horns" or also the heavy metal rock-on salute. The Euros thought it was the sign of the devil. Nice post.
And Richard Virenque ???
effin amazing!!
...ron...that is a classic & amazingly 'researched'...
...you've upped the ante or should i say antics...
...haven't really been back since the growing of the bamboo but i'm digging this...very cool...
Trebon is a Douche. The only cool thing about the sword gig, is being able to slam the prick the rest of his life, when he no longer runs the show for being a dick while he did.
Awesome post. You just got props from Velonews Live Update guys in Stage 5 TDF!!!!
JC -bicyclingbuzz.blogspot.com
After a long season of racing, a cyclist's mind needs some entertainment. You put a smile on my face this morning! Excellent collection of salutes - I for one appreciate the time you took.
One typo (or was it?): I believe you meant "Tom Boonen" as the man with the package salute. But perhaps in the way Tom's been acting a bit lately, a reference to "Mr. Bean" is rather apt!! :)
magnificent and hilarious. just came over from podium cafe and saw this!!!
Yup. Brill.
(also via PodiumCafe)
Since probably most of you don't understand spanish or portuguese, I don't know if you notice that the "arrow and bow" for Juan Antonio Flecha is in fact very funny because "flecha" means "arrow" ;)
Post a Comment